


Disconnect

by rinberries (Detective_Rin)



Series: Rin's Angst-Vents [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Boredom, Gen, I feel like this one's less heavy than the others, Light Angst, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29136165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detective_Rin/pseuds/rinberries
Summary: There's nothing stopping you, so you let it all fade away. Time slips by without warning; hours feel like mere minutes.When did this become a daily ritual of sorts?
Series: Rin's Angst-Vents [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090616





	Disconnect

**Author's Note:**

> This one's definitely not as heavy as the other two, it's still sad-ish though. I could have expanded on a certain segment of this (I think you'll guess it while reading) but I went with the flow and I don't need another angst plan in my notes app just yet. If I look over my notes and decide I didn't elaborate enough I may add to this later, whether it's through plain editing or more chapters. Don't expect anything, though, it's only a possibility.  
> Enjoy this.

The day starts off just like the previous.  
  
You read over groupchat messages once again, searching for something that doesn't bore you to tears. Something that will allow you to respond to your friends without your mind yearning to disconnect from them entirely.  
  
You find nothing.  
  
That's fine. They're getting boring anyway.  
  
\---  
  
It gets like this, sometimes. Although, long ago, you actively worked against it, searched desperately for a solution, it never came; since then you have learned, and adapted to your fate.  
  
An uncurable curse of long, unbreaking periods of pure numbness: try as you might, any and all emotions refuse their summoning, as if hiding from you.  
  
It isn't as bad as before, though. You're a good actress in these situations: the high-energy façade sticks to you like glue, allowing for forced social interaction to seem almost natural. Sometimes it's even enough to forget. Sometimes.  
  
That makes you wonder. What if you forget your own self, concealed beneath the fake cheers and laughs? They're connected, yet not, in some cryptic way. How long until the line between them blurs into the background?  
  
What happens if there's no going back?  
  
....  
  
That's fine. You've been doing this for as long as you can remember. Just a little longer won't hurt. After all, it usually doesn't.  
Usually.  
  
\---  
  
Occasionally, behind closed doors, the mask falls; with it falls bittersweet emotion that leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Nausea inserts itself into the witch's brew while your head begins to pound softly. Maybe you'd cry, if you were able. How long ago did you last eat? When did you last drink water?  
  
Hours ago, at the least. Exactly how long ago you aren't sure, but it wasn't _too_ long ago because you're still _here_ , still living and breathing just fine. Still, you know logically should grab a snack, and feel it too, so down to the kitchen you venture.  
  
There, time returns to you; it is 3:18am, and your parents returned to their bedrooms for the night a while ago. There's no one here to make you food, so you have to do it yourself.  
  
That's fine. By now, in this house, you know that independence is essential - a law of life. You're accustomed to it by now.  
  
And there you sit, one room over, munching on your food while you seem to unsync from space and time yet again.  
  
Perhaps that's what your emotions have been doing, too. You can understand. It's better there, wherever 'there' may be.  
  
\---  
  
Eventually, they return to your brain, and eventually, you reopen the chat. Ever-so-slightly sluggishly, you observe the messages sent while you were gone.  
  
Nothing unusual here. Same-old, same-old. You don't know whether to be fond of the unchanging tone of the chat or to despise it. As usual, you settle for the compromise: a little bit of both, mixing together semi-roughly and forming pure neutrality.  
  
It's a shame that same neutrality's what left you so bored of it in the first place.  
  
Following through the motions, you project the usual persona onto the screen and inject yourself smoothly into the conversation; from there it comes easy.  
  
You haven't laughed once.  
The persona's laughed plenty.  
Comedy and Tragedy are two people yet one, and it's becoming increasingly more obvious as some harsh retorts slip through the cracks of the mask.  
  
This is fine. If they question it, shut it down. In case of emergency, there's always the classic route: to disconnect.  
  
And disconnect you do, and will continue to do, until the curtains close and the mask falls and the audience is no more. 

**Author's Note:**

> To friends:  
> Remember that this is dramatised a little, I do genuinely enjoy talking to you guys I promise :) it's just a struggle sometimes when my energy is low. Thank you for your understanding ♡.


End file.
